Miss USA is really Mrs USA and other things that confound us

Biff (00:10)
Hello, everybody. Welcome to Laugh Smart. I can't talk this week. Laugh Smartly with your hosts Biff Lucky and Mr. Fun. I this is the third week in a row because we've gotten great feedback on it. Mr. Fun, start us out with a joke.

Mr Fun (00:25)
Okay, so there's this out of work actor and he's struggling to find a job. So he applies for a job. It says looking for an actor, but it's a funeral home. So he goes in and he gets the job driving that big black car, you know, that they put the dead people in, and he's like, I'm just curious, why'd you hire a an actor? And he says, 'Cause the guy, the funeral director says, You see, the back door is broken.

And we've had some incidents where the casket f we hit you know, we in traffic, it falls out of the back. And so we need an actor to pretend that's normal, scoop it up, put it back in, and act like there's no problem. So it happens on the first drive. He's driving it, the it it fli the casket flies out of the back, he manages to run around the car, but he's freaking out. And everybody's concerned. my god, what happened? What happened? So the funeral director says, I thought you could play this off. I thought you were a good actor. And he goes, I'm sorry, I've never rehearsed.

Lucky (01:21)
All right. That's pretty good.

Biff (01:22)
good.

Good. I I'm sitting there like, are we gonna have to tell you what that long black car that they put gaskets in? As you said, that's how you said it. I was that's good. I I I

Mr Fun (01:32)
Is it good?

Biff (01:33)
I enjoyed that. That was a that was a good trick. So anyways, well thank you, Mr. Vunn again for for starting us off. for

Mr Fun (01:40)
All right.

Biff (01:40)
what is the beginning of Labor Day? Well, right, it's it's Saturday of Labor Day weekend, but it's Labor Day weekend. A lot going on. Obviously the unofficial end of summer. Is that is that the best way to put it?

Mr Fun (01:52)
Sad. It's sad to me. It it it's I don't I don't like this time of year.

Biff (01:52)
very late. Yeah. It's

it's the latest Labor Day you can have, right? September seventh, I think is the is Labor Day. It's the latest date you can have.

Lucky (02:00)
Yeah. It it either lands

between, yeah, it's a one or the seventh, first or the seventh, any day in between. But the thing is down at the beach though, like the end of summer, like September is a massive month. And you can even throw October in too. You know, like September is, I think, should be considered part of summer. You know, Labor Day is like s you know, this defining line. But like there's, you know, it's still warm down at the beach. Everybody's back in school, but there's still a lot of people down there.

Biff (02:28)
Yeah, no, I I agree with you. It is though. It's it's it's markedly changed over the last couple of weeks because everybody that went back to college for sure, right? they're they're gone. So it's it's the the age has the median age has increased here at the at the beach. but now there are some families with young kids. the other ones high schoolers went back a lot of either for sports or for schools that start earlier. So it's it's definitely it feels different down here.

Mr Fun (02:54)
Do you know that

more Americans are born on this holiday than any other holiday? Because it's Labor Day. It's Labor Day.

Lucky (03:02)
Yeah.

Biff (03:03)
Yes. Yes. Thank you, Mr. Front.

Lucky (03:05)
Yeah.

Biff (03:05)
Jeez That's but

Sussex yeah.

Mr Fun (03:08)
Sorry, was it was that a bad delivery?

Biff (03:11)
no bad delivery, but Sussex County, they start schools on Monday. so you know it's pretty late for kids to start school on on September eighth. I remember going to school, and I think we all probably dealt with it at some level. It's like you'd start school if it was that late and then all of a sudden the Jewish holidays show up. And you get a day or two off if you're in the in the northeast typically. So that's

interesting time. I actually don't know when I don't remember which one's first, Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur, but they will shortly be happening. So real quick, before I forget, Scotty's vodka, Maryland Made, Maryland Smooth. I know they are they are in full force around Labor Day weekend. So if you're out having any vodka, please look for Scotty's vodka either at your package store or at restaurants all over Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, and DC. tackle up BB.

tackle up performance fishing gear. See lucky for those on YouTubers wearing one theirs. I'm wearing one of their shirts. again, tackle up bb.com. type in special code laugh15 for 15% off. and then finally amongst our our troop that have helped us out, Rockfish. and Lucky is also wearing a Rockfish shirt. they're on the on the on the websites on the show notes either on YouTube or on the podcast. they've got some dates coming up as we round out the summer season so go

Listen to Rockfish. gonna start out with a personal story this week, which was an interesting one. This was two nights ago. Our dog Murphy, our puppy, nine months old now, is barking loud. It's 10 o'clock at night. I'm like, what's he barking about? So I I take him outside and we're walking, we walk about 50 yards to the leaving our driveway, we go to the right, and all of a sudden I see a dog sprinting out between two houses. The dog has a leash on it, and I see it, I'm like,

Obviously, it's a lost dog, but then the dog runs over to a yard and about 30 feet in front of me, there's a skunk lifts its tail and

Mr Fun (05:06)
Wow.

Biff (05:06)
sprays the new dog that's coming running at me. It sits it

Lucky (05:10)
Did you see the spraying like

Biff (05:12)
I saw the tail go up and I could smell it. And then the dog runs at me and Murphy. I grab the dog, so I've got the dog on one hand and a leash, and I've got Murphy in the other hand, and I I can smell the the the skunk smell.

all over the leash. It's like dragged it through the leash. So I've got I'm like, what am I gonna here? I've got two dogs. And then it was a whole thing about it was a it was a pit bull to be clear what the dog was very sweet. but we got stuck with this dog overnight. And I I put it in the garage, you know, I I you know

Lucky (05:43)
All stinky.

Biff (05:44)
well where else was I gonna put it? I couldn't we called animal control. There was literally one animal control in Sussex in Kent County. So that's Dover all the way south in the evening.

So we get put on a list so we can't get we the the dog can't be picked up by the by by the authorities. So we put the car the dog in the garage. Got up the next morning. I walked the dog. I play with the dog. Dog sleeps really well. and the dog's really sweet. And but you're like, yeah, at the at the point where you like want to entertain having a second dog, you're like, what am I thinking about? This

is

Lucky (06:17)
Yeah.

Biff (06:17)
one, it's somebody else's dog. We try to find the owner. Mrs. Biff puts something out on Facebook.

You find out that some some lady calls her and the story, and I'm not going to exaggerate too much, is yeah, it's my boyfriend's dog. He's in jail now and gave the dog to his parents or family, and they don't want the dog. And she goes, Well, I want to come pick up the dog. And and Mrs. Biff's like, Hey, how are you gonna prove it's your dog? And you're not just telling me a story about the dog sort of deal. It was just crazy story.

Lucky (06:50)
Why why would they make up

the story, you think?

Biff (06:53)
I don't know. Maybe they

were trying to steal the dog. I have no idea. But it was just it was one of these things like I had not planned for you know eighteen hours to deal with a dog, a skunk smelling dog at this point. Have you ever seen go go on?

Lucky (07:06)
So did the skunks sc did the

skunk smelling dogs stink up your garage?

Biff (07:10)
it gave we washed a blanket. It it smelled it up. You could definitely smell it

Lucky (07:14)
Okay.

Biff (07:14)
over over night. but I've not have you did we talk about this before? Have you ever seen a skunk in real life? But not in a zoo or something like that yet in a street? Well, you see a dead one from time to time. Yeah,

Lucky (07:22)
Yeah, I think so. Yeah, like in the stri yeah, very r like a few times. See some dead ones, yep.

Biff (07:30)
I just don't recall that I've ever seen one, but I saw this one lifted its tail up like Peppy Le Pew and just, you know, shot it at the dog.

Mr Fun (07:36)
Wow.

Biff (07:37)
It was something I so anyways, it's

Mr Fun (07:39)
I have

a I have a story about a skunk. There was this middle-aged couple, they were kind of heavy set, they're driving a pickup truck and it's freezing outside. It was snowing, and they see a skunk on the side of the road and they decide to save it. So luckily it didn't it you know, they they were able to scoop it up and put in the the woman's holding it, the husband's driving, and the woman says, it's shivering. How do I keep it warm? And the husband said, Just tuck it in your pants. And she goes, But what about the smell? And he goes,

Well tell the skunk to hold its nose.

Lucky (08:10)
Mm.

Biff (08:11)
my gosh

Lucky (08:12)
Okay.

Biff (08:15)
So Mr. Funn, you were sharing that you had

Mr Fun (08:15)
Can that can that can that be put out on the air?

Biff (08:18)
that th that was not that yeah, well you can because you again as w as the litmus test at a minimum is you can't say dirty words. You didn't say a dirty

Mr Fun (08:26)
Okay.

Biff (08:26)
word. The inference is not exactly perfect, I will say that, but that that's okay. So what's what is your since we're dog themed, Mr. Fun, what what had happened in the with r Yes.

Mr Fun (08:37)
So you know how much I love my dogs. You know how much I

love the dogs. And we got home and what is that? What's on the ground or whatever? And it was this plastic container and there was some wrapping, there was a couple plastic containers. And it turns out that I didn't know Mrs. Funn is is supplementing their diet with the pill one a day for their joints, because labs

Biff (08:58)
Okay.

Mr Fun (08:59)
have problems with their joints. And so one pill is okay, but when they eat fifty, it's

It's not so good. So of course I'm like,

Lucky (09:09)
Interest

Mr Fun (09:10)
well, let's keep an eye on them. They're probably fine. They're probably fine. we we escalate it. We get you could you call poison control or whatever, and you

Biff (09:17)
Right, right.

Mr Fun (09:18)
report what you got and we are advised to bring in. And they're like, Okay, we're gonna induce vomiting, and we have to sign this thing for both of our dogs. It turned out, long story short, that only one of the dogs had had eaten the stuff because they could tell once they induced vomiting. But the one dog

They pump the dog full of this medicine that makes you, you know, go you know, throw up and he's going at both ends. He's all over the place. So we have to sit there for an hour waiting for honestly, y you you can ask for this fun. Every ten minutes they came out with another report. Man, he's still pooping. He is still

Biff (09:53)
Yeah.

Mr Fun (09:54)
it was so that's how I spent my what night was that? That was Saturday night. That's how I spent my Saturday night.

Lucky (09:59)
What did what did that bill cost?

Mr Fun (10:01)
I don't ask I'm not allowed to ask these things.

Lucky (10:03)
I mean is that

a is that a is that a like that's probably like a twenty five hundred dollar endeavor right there.

Mr Fun (10:09)
The

the vet came out and said we've nickname your dogs are adorable. We've nicknamed them Dumber Dumb and Dumber though. So we have Dumb and Dumber. And and I'm just sitting there and you know, I'm just you know, I'm supporting Mrs. Fun. You know.

Biff (10:22)
So so you've got so

we are gonna to to Lucky's point. My my guess is that's gotta be between five hundred and seven fifty. That sort of deal. It's a Saturday night at the vet. Actually might be more, because that is that an emergency vet you went to?

Mr Fun (10:38)
You know, I was not upset about the cost of this until this conversation.

Biff (10:43)
Okay, well well no we're not suggesting you should be upset about it. We should you know, inquiring minds want to know, that's a follow-up on this show is that you can tell us.

Lucky (10:51)
We'll have to ask Mrs. Funn.

Mr Fun (10:51)
I don't know

what we spent

Lucky (10:52)
Do

Mr Fun (10:53)
on these dogs. I do know that Mrs. Funn sent me outside with the dogs when it was time to pay. She was like, Why don't you put them in the car? And I was like, okay. Okay. We had to bring diapers.

Biff (11:02)
Yeah.

Mr Fun (11:05)
They gave us these doggy diapers for the car.

Lucky (11:08)
All right, it's time to get some equal, equal time for the other four legged domesticated animals. the felines.

Biff (11:17)
Okay.

Mr Fun (11:17)
Yes.

Lucky (11:18)
Okay, so Johnny Knuckles, who who these days has the same initials as my dad, JKG. I

Biff (11:24)
Yeah.

Lucky (11:26)
told my dad this week he thought it was pretty funny. But we've been we've been taking Johnny Knuckles back and forth from Howard County where we live to the beach. He does not like the car, and he likes to

throw up and go number one number two. He did it twice in my car. In the car.

Biff (11:42)
In the c in the car. So no is

is Johnny Knuckles in a cage when this happens? Do you let the dog or the cat go around?

Lucky (11:47)
So he we had him in the cage.

We started him in in the cage in the back seat. we let him out af because he was crying. He sort of walked around the car, you know, was going but he d I don't know, he has something to do with motion sickness or or whatever, but he he didn't like it. And he also got locked in w in our closet at our house and did diarrhea in the closet while he was trapped in there. So I I I think he's got some kind

of

Mr Fun (12:12)
Love

love animals, love animals. Wish I had more. Wish I had more. So encouraged.

Lucky (12:16)
Would you like a

Biff (12:16)
No, but let's go let's

g go ahead.

Lucky (12:18)
I'm saying would you like a I Mr. Fine, I know you have cats, a twenty nine toed cat? Set the record.

Mr Fun (12:25)
no but before you go

there, do you want me to speak to your cat? 'Cause I I actually for some reason I know how to speak to cats. don't don't ask me how. Don't ask me how.

Lucky (12:37)
Meow.

Biff (12:37)
Jeez. Okay. So, but before we get to the 29-toe cat though, looky, so the the the cat does his stuff in your car. Now,

Lucky (12:48)
Yes, twice.

Biff (12:50)
twice. Big mess to clean up. It's a tiny cat. You've you you the smell is is pretty it's really. Okay,

Lucky (12:55)
Yeah, it's a decent like we threw away mats. Like mats didn't go back in the car, yeah.

Biff (13:00)
that again, inexpensive, right? Just you know, several hundred dollars are the mats you've just tossed out.

Lucky (13:03)
That's an easy one. Well, I I'll

go s I'm just not replacing the mats, I guess, but

Biff (13:09)
It's amazing what we it is amazing what we do. So

Mr Fun (13:10)
The worst. It's the worst.

Biff (13:12)
so twenty nine toes on a cat.

Lucky (13:14)
Yeah, the the main coon cat. You ever see those main coons? They look like they're r really big. He

Biff (13:17)
Uh-huh. Yeah? Yeah, yeah.

Mr Fun (13:18)
They're awesome.

Lucky (13:20)
t there's a cat there's cat that that had the twenty nine to eleven more than the standard number for a domesticated feline.

Biff (13:28)
Wait, eleven more?

Lucky (13:29)
That's that's right. I don't know. Apparently cats have more than ten digits.

Biff (13:34)
No, eleven more is eight to eight that means they have eighteen to start.

Lucky (13:38)
Yeah.

Biff (13:40)
How does that work? They have four legs.

Lucky (13:42)
Four divided by what I don't know. That's I read this article I read about this Wisconsin cat had twenty nine.

Biff (13:44)
How did I I

Mr Fun (13:47)
There's a great chance we get we

get a review that says you guys are making stuff up again. Twenty

Biff (13:52)
Yeah, I

Mr Fun (13:53)
nine toes.

Lucky (13:54)
Okay.

Anyone want to look it up? The main there's a main coon cat earned the Guinness World World Record for the most toes.

Mr Fun (13:58)
I I gotta believe it.

I gotta believe it. Yeah.

Lucky (14:02)
Twenty nine.

Biff (14:02)
Yeah. No,

I get that, but I'm I'm more questioning the base level of cat toes. You said eleven more than the average cat. How doesn't that

Lucky (14:11)
That's right. Eighteen.

Biff (14:12)
cat have eighteen t eighteen toes?

Mr Fun (14:15)
Biff, Biff,

when when we did have a cat, 'cause we don't have cats now, but when we did have a cat, my wife I got him from work, she said, Did have you ever s had did you see the cat bowl? And I was like, I didn't even know he had the shoes. Does he rent or does he does he own the bowling shoes?

Biff (14:29)
Yeah.

Lucky (14:31)
So the f the eighteen would be five five four four, right?

Biff (14:36)
Right. That's that's the simple math.

Lucky (14:38)
Yeah. So I don't know. I'm gonna count Johnny Knuckles toes when I'm done the show and I'll report

Biff (14:43)
Right.

Lucky (14:44)
back to you guys next week. I don't think he's gonna like it, but I'm gonna count to see by how many he has.

Biff (14:48)
Wow, look at this. Normal paw structure. Front paws, five toes each, including a dewclaw. Back paws, four toes each.

Lucky (14:58)
There you go.

Biff (14:59)
That's the

Mr Fun (14:59)
Wait, what is it called? A do claw? What?

Biff (15:00)
dewclaw is the one that's halfway up the cat the kind of on the fore leg, right? Dogs have dew claw. So they they base D E W. Do do dew claw. So that's

Mr Fun (15:06)
Wait, wait, what how how do spell it? D E W do Claw. It's not like a white claw.

Biff (15:13)
it's it's not white claw on.

Mr Fun (15:15)
Okay. Okay, got it.

Biff (15:15)
We've established that the cat was not like on at that point in time.

So well that's that's interesting with the the twenty nine toes. So

Lucky (15:22)
So yeah. So again, you learn a lot here about it in our pet segment of the show.

Mr Fun (15:28)
Fascinating.

Biff (15:29)
So

what did we learn from last week's show though, Lucky?

Lucky (15:33)
Well, okay. We got a lot of feedback. we learned that almost all of our listeners who I ran across and I think you guys ran across would much rather die drowning than getting beaten with a dildo to death.

Biff (15:48)
Yes.

Lucky (15:49)
Bludgeoned. I mean, that nobody would nobody wanted to say, did you hear J

Biff (15:52)
Yeah.

Lucky (15:54)
Joe how he died? He got bludgeoned to death with

Mr Fun (15:55)
Cococked, cococked.

Lucky (15:57)
a dildo. Nobody wanted to have that on their epithet. You know what I mean? So

Mr Fun (15:59)
Right. Right.

Lucky (16:02)
so we knew that. the so there was a Dolly Parton story. So the the flags are still, I think are still flying at half mass, which is you know, and a lot of discussion still about Dolly. But somebody mentioned to me that Dolly about I think it was in she w she wrote a song that was sealed and she put it in a time capsule and she it only will get released in 2046.

The name of the song is called My Place in History. So it's going to be released on her presumed 100th birthday. And it's sitting in some time capsule, I guess, in somewhere in Dollywood in Tennessee.

Mr Fun (16:39)
Yeah.

Lucky (16:39)
So everybody

Biff (16:39)
Okay.

Lucky (16:40)
was talking about that. Like, and she says it's a great song. And she wished she said this, you know, they they interviewed her about it because she she talked about it a lot, but she wished that she released the song. It's so good. So she's got everybody like waiting until 2046 to hear the song. So anyway, which I thought was pretty cool.

Biff (16:57)
A silly question, did she have kids, do we know?

Lucky (17:00)
I don't think she did.

Biff (17:01)
So she's got all this, you know, estate her husband passed away ahead of her, right? I wonder if it all goes to charity, all her

Mr Fun (17:08)
Okay, I got

a really dumb question. I don't know whether it was just a scam or what. Is Molly Cyrus related to her? Miley Cyrus.

Biff (17:15)
My way, Cyrus.

Lucky (17:15)
No.

S godmother is what I think.

Mr Fun (17:19)
Because she

inherited tons of money that she announced is going to charity. To Dolly's charity. So like tons and tons of money. Yeah, interesting.

Biff (17:30)
Yeah. Yeah, she

Lucky (17:32)
Well

Biff (17:32)
is also the godmother of pop star Miley Cyrus.

Lucky (17:35)
Yeah. The well, I mean, all the things we talked last week about all the, you know, businesses that Dolly had, but she didn't she fund the the COVID nineteen virus, you know, the Moderna. Like didn't she give a bunch of money up for that or something?

Biff (17:50)
sh I don't know if she did. She was a big proponent of the vaccine. I don't know if there was

a connection. Okay.

Lucky (17:54)
I think she funded a bunch of it. She or she gave

she donated a bunch of money to what what part of the process, I'm not sure. But yeah, so yeah, somebody I'm sure that all her a lot of her money's going to charity. So

Mr Fun (18:06)
Yep, yep.

Lucky (18:07)
anyway. But yeah, those were the two big things from last week, just to just to tie off on those. Did

Biff (18:12)
Good. I saw

this week an interesting story that there was a I actually saw a video on it of this Yahoo that rode the bike over the Bay Bridge. Now, and just so we're clear and level set everybody, so there's two lanes that go from west to east, right? That's from leaving Annapolis and going towards the eastern shore. There's three lanes that go from Kent Island over towards the Annapolis area. The biker was on the going towards Annapolis on the three lane

Lucky (18:39)
Yep.

Biff (18:40)
side.

Lucky (18:40)
Yep.

Biff (18:41)
And what it was unclear to me is that he was riding in the far right lane, whether the lane was closed when he started it or they closed the lane as he went up it. I did see the X. There's like the X symbol of which lanes are open. So

Lucky (18:54)
Yeah.

Biff (18:54)
but he didn't he you know, he wasn't supposed to be there if I as far as that.

Lucky (18:58)
Did now did

it was it like a s I didn't s I saw the video of the guy doing it, but did anybody interview him afterwards? Did he go to jail? Did like what was

Biff (19:04)
Yeah well they were

the the only thing I saw was that they said he wasn't from the area, meaning like he was riding the bike from maybe up and down the coast, I guess, and just decided to ride over the Bay Bridge to get from one side to the other.

Mr Fun (19:19)
I heard both I heard he got

in trouble. I heard both he and the bridge got suspended.

Lucky (19:24)
good one. So okay, Mr. Fun. That that was a good one. Mr. Fun, we you and I rode over the the the Bay Bridge coming coming west when we had that massive ice storm. What would you rather do?

Mr Fun (19:37)
yeah. It was the dumbest move of my life.

Lucky (19:39)
Drive your do what we did or ride a bike on the in the far right lane?

Mr Fun (19:44)
I I think if I rode the bike I'd be in control. Like I'd be nervous, but yeah, we were we the wind people don't I'll never do that again. The snow was crazy, the wind was crazy. We should have never been in our cars. Yeah. Yeah.

Lucky (19:57)
Yeah. I

I drove a bike over the with my family, my over over the Golden Gate Bridge, which was scary as hell.

Mr Fun (20:05)
Wow. Wow.

Biff (20:06)
Yeah. D

was it because of the height or because of the wind?

Lucky (20:11)
It was it was two things. It was there was no wind the day we did it. but all five of us were going towards Sausalito in

Biff (20:19)
Right.

Lucky (20:19)
a in a bike lane, but there was not a big barrier between cars and bikes. So it was the fact that I we we were super high up in the air, you know, so you don't want to look right and look down. And if you look

Biff (20:31)
Right.

Lucky (20:32)
left, you see all these cars are going by. And I have it's me, my you know, I my kids were a little younger at the time. it was it was

I was white knuckling it the whole frickin' way over the bridge. So

Mr Fun (20:44)
Wow. Wow.

Lucky (20:45)
it brought yeah.

Biff (20:46)
So the bay so

the Bay Bridge, which is sort of relevant because they're they're talking about replacing it. We talked about this probably four or five months ago, right? They and one of the bridge proposals has an extra billion dollars for a bike stroke pedestrian lane on the outside of the the bridge. Seems like a lot to ride a bike.

Lucky (21:04)
I don't think it's necessary.

Biff (21:05)
Yeah, I don't know, but that's my guess is it will happen as some form of compromise on

Lucky (21:10)
Yeah.

Mr Fun (21:10)
Yeah.

Biff (21:11)
on the on the bridge that who knows if it will ever get built.

Did you know, do you remember so Mr. Fun, you I mean, I you wouldn't ride over a bridge, but as we've established, you'll ride into a pond. Right? You'll you'll you'll do that and then

Mr Fun (21:21)
Right. Right.

Biff (21:23)
share the story for many people, as I've heard it time and time again.

Mr Fun (21:26)
I I I I it was dark. There was water on the

side of the sidewalk I didn't know, and I was politely moving out of the way and I wound up wa wa waist deep with a bicycle on top of me. Yes. Yes, thank you.

Biff (21:37)
That's it's it we we're we're glad you're alive at this point in time.

Lucky (21:41)
Did when you guys

when you guys were young, were do were you guys into BMX? You know, did you guys have like

Biff (21:45)
yeah.

Lucky (21:46)
dirt bikes and stuff and you build ramps?

Mr Fun (21:47)
I didn't. I always wanted one. All my friends had them.

Lucky (21:50)
Yeah.

Biff (21:50)
Yeah, I built

the bike. It was an old Schwin or something like that. And

Mr Fun (21:52)
How nice.

Biff (21:52)
I built my own BMX bike. Yep. It was fun.

Lucky (21:54)
Yeah.

Did you guys okay, so my friends and I, we would ride our bikes off of piers into the water.

Mr Fun (22:03)
Wow.

Biff (22:04)
Why?

Lucky (22:05)
J

just for fun. Like you know, like you could do it.

Biff (22:09)
But what if the bike's gonna sink? You

Lucky (22:11)
Well, we would

we would figure it out. Like we had ways of and we used old bikes too. We didn't use our main bikes. But

Biff (22:17)
Uh-huh.

Lucky (22:18)
besides like d building BMX you know, tracks and like you know, riding through the woods and stuff like that, we would we would drive our bikes off of like these mini ramps and and and drive into off the pier into the water. You know, 'cause you see it on T

Mr Fun (22:31)
I saw a dr

I saw a drunk guy from Mexico doing that with his wife. He was trying to kill her. He was trying to kill

Lucky (22:38)
Trying to

tequila.

Biff (22:39)
jeez.

So the the the interesting thing you you you bring up an interesting point though is you know when you're kids and you're you in that case you would make little ramps to jump over, thinking you're jumping over some big ramp. Meanwhile, they're probably maybe twelve inches high, right? And you think about these kids that do backflips and all that other crap on these bikes. And it was just, you know, I don't know how somebody learns to say, Hey, I'm gonna try to do a backflip on a on a bike at that point. That's an odd

Lucky (23:07)
Yeah.

Biff (23:07)
thing to me.

How you learn that. So would you ever do that?

Lucky (23:09)
Yeah. Yeah. I

n I would never do that. I remember doing some crazy things on bikes. You like we had a big bunch of like neighborhoods under construction and there would be these big mounds of dirt and we would like, you know, take these really steep you stuck get at the top and drive the bike down the the the hill, you know, like all kinds of crazy stuff like that. But

Mr Fun (23:30)
Can you guys

do flips into swimming pools?

Lucky (23:32)
Yes.

Biff (23:33)
I can do a front flip, can't do a back flip.

Mr Fun (23:35)
What about diving board? Can you do anything off a diving board?

Biff (23:38)
Well that's I can do it off a low diving board, not off a high one. I could do a front flip. Yeah.

Mr Fun (23:40)
Okay. I've never done it in my life. Like I

never tried it, therefore I can't do it. Like I never I I never did it. So it's something that I feel like I'm missing in my

Lucky (23:51)
It's on your bucket list.

Mr Fun (23:53)
No, like I'm too old to do it now. Like I don't

wanna I don't wanna do it now.

Biff (23:55)
Yeah. I I remember trying

to do backflips, right? You would you'd stand and you try to you gotta bring your knees up over and flip over and meanwhile

Mr Fun (24:03)
Yeah.

Biff (24:04)
I just flip onto my back. I can't I don't have that movement to do

Mr Fun (24:08)
Wow.

Biff (24:09)
it. Can you do a backflip, Lucky?

Lucky (24:11)
I have done backflips off of diving boards. Yeah.

Mr Fun (24:13)
Could you do it now?

Lucky (24:14)
I probably wouldn't want to try it. I'd do a front one.

Mr Fun (24:17)
Wow.

Lucky (24:18)
Okay. about a week or so ago, I don't know if you guys saw this, but the Miss USA pageant was was held. And I don't know you I think growing up you guys remember the Miss P Miss USA, the Miss Universe was always on TV pri almost like prime time. It's like you bury I don't even think they have this on TV anymore.

Mr Fun (24:35)
Miss America.

Biff (24:36)
Miss America was the bigger of the ones, wasn't it? What didn't that have

Lucky (24:39)
Yeah. Yeah.

Biff (24:40)
like Bob Barker or somebody like that hosted

Mr Fun (24:42)
Yeah.

Biff (24:42)
it? It was somebody

Lucky (24:42)
Yeah.

Biff (24:43)
like that. And then doesn't Donald Trump own one of them? Miss Universe or Miss USA does it okay. So yeah, I don't

Lucky (24:47)
I think so. Yeah. I don't know if he

Mr Fun (24:47)
Yeah.

Lucky (24:50)
owns I don't know if he owns the Miss USA, which they just had their seventy fifth Miss USA pageant. But yeah, but like I don't know, like those used to be such a big deal, but it's interesting that they're not now.

Biff (25:01)
Used to take Miss

America used to take place in Atlantic City every year. Right? That that's where it did.

Lucky (25:05)
Yeah. Yeah.

Biff (25:06)
So so Miss USA. So w who somebody obviously won Miss USA. Where are they

Lucky (25:11)
Yeah.

Biff (25:12)
from?

Lucky (25:13)
so someone from Virginia,

Biff (25:15)
Okay.

Lucky (25:16)
Justice Kelly was named the 75th Miss USA. like I said, she's from Virginia, the first winner since 1970 from Virginia. and she's 31, and her distinction is that she is the first married woman and the first mother to win the Miss USA pageant.

Mr Fun (25:37)
Another institution ruined. Ruined right in front of our eyes. Miss

Biff (25:42)
Wait, but 'cause they

Mr Fun (25:43)
miss

Biff (25:44)
miss. Yeah, that's right. It that that is true. We d never thought about that. But 'cause isn't there also like a married like misses US to Mr. Funn's point? Like they have different things for different, you know, single people versus married.

Mr Fun (25:59)
I mean at least it wasn't

a dude, right?

Biff (26:01)
That that

Lucky (26:01)
geez.

Biff (26:02)
that's

Lucky (26:03)
Well,

Mr Fun (26:03)
At it was

Lucky (26:04)
the the pageant only allowed married women and mothers to compete starting in 2023.

Mr Fun (26:10)
What wait what what happened?

Biff (26:10)
so it it's it's for it's

what wait, it's four married women?

Lucky (26:13)
Well they allow married women and mothers now, they didn't allow in twenty twenty three. Not before.

Mr Fun (26:18)
I feel like I I went into

a coma and woke up in a dumber world. Like this is crazy. It's

Lucky (26:23)
Yeah.

Mr Fun (26:24)
Miss Ms U Miss USA. Miss USA. Wow.

Biff (26:29)
Yeah, that is

it's odd. I never thought about that. but and again, she was the first that did what? You said they've already been had they already had it as misses.

Mr Fun (26:38)
First to have babies and a husband.

Lucky (26:39)
Sur

first to have a child and first to be married and win.

Mr Fun (26:43)
How old are our kids?

Lucky (26:44)
She she they're adopted kids. Yeah.

Mr Fun (26:47)
okay. You know where you can find

Biff (26:47)
Yeah.

Mr Fun (26:49)
out who the most sexually active girl in the beauty pageant is, right? She has that sash that says Idaho.

Biff (26:55)
I

Lucky (26:55)
I don't know

Biff (26:55)
I I'm I'm just gonna say it because Kim C from only that's one of her favorite jokes. Something about Idaho. And it's just

Mr Fun (27:01)
Which one? really?

Biff (27:04)
it's just it was she was doing it when we were in Alaska. It's just it it's sort of out anyways, I'm just gonna acknowledge that sh that she's gonna laugh a lot when she's that. They did they Kim

Mr Fun (27:12)
I'm gonna dedicate that to you, Kim.

Biff (27:13)
and Mike just went to they flew to Africa tonight. So

Mr Fun (27:17)
Nice.

Lucky (27:17)
wow.

Biff (27:17)
they're flying to Doha Qatar and then on to I think Kenya. they're gone for twenty days.

Lucky (27:22)
That's cool.

Biff (27:23)
So it's a shout out to them.

Mr Fun (27:23)
Yeah.

Lucky (27:24)
Couple couple of little things on the Miss USA passion toe. They have a they had a new category this year. You know how they all have like the swimsuit and ta talent and all those kinds of things.

Biff (27:33)
Yeah.

Lucky (27:34)
So they this one they have a category called commercial appeal, which was

Biff (27:38)
What?

Lucky (27:38)
the way it was judged was based on a portfolio of non-pageant images that were submitted to judges and they evaluated their.

commercial appeal in you know, what they look like in pictures, which I thought was interesting.

Mr Fun (27:51)
What do you think your commercial appeal is like? You think you

Biff (27:53)
What?

Mr Fun (27:54)
you have good commercial appeal? I don't think I do.

Lucky (27:55)
I mean, I'm riding

I'm riding my commercial appeal just like you two are to podcast and radio fan famous.

Mr Fun (28:01)
I have a face for radio. I have a face for radio.

Biff (28:03)
Fa yeah, fame

and fortune. So so commercial is that code for social media, if I understand what you said?

Lucky (28:09)
It's

I think it has something to do with that. Yeah.

Biff (28:12)
Okay, okay.

Mr Fun (28:12)
I do that. I'm good at that.

Lucky (28:13)
Yep. And and the other interesting thing, a little bit of controversy. So they basically said that audience, for the one of the first times was able to vote and and have a real impact on who advances. Okay. But what happened was so fans were watching from home, and there was like a twelve minute window just so they cast our votes and people could see the votes. And

Miss Montana was leading in the in the fan voting, but she d she ultimately didn't make the top ten. So everybody was like, wait a minute, our why is our our voting does is not really counting? Because she was

Biff (28:49)
Wait, who

wait, wait, who's voting are they they think they didn't count the audience or are the people outside of the

Lucky (28:54)
The

audience were k audience were submitting their votes. Miss

Biff (28:57)
Right.

Lucky (28:58)
Montana was in the top ten, but when they announced I mean, she was she was the one of the leading vote getters from the from the audience, but she didn't make the top ten.

Biff (29:08)
Well well that's hu that's god that that's just purely, you know d I wanna say demographic since the word. There's a such a wider population outside of Montana, so if you're gonna have people be able to vote outside of the studio audience, Montana's never going to win. You know, neither is Vermont,

Mr Fun (29:24)
Point.

Biff (29:25)
right? They're they're just never gonna win. They're aren't the people to support them.

Lucky (29:26)
Well, it was controversial

because everybody saw Miss Montana getting all these votes and she didn't she didn't make it to the next round, which

Biff (29:33)
you know, it's like

the when the it's like when the late ballots come in. Hey, sorry, Montana. You yeah

Lucky (29:37)
Yeah, yeah.

Mr Fun (29:37)
What Miss Montana

had to do is show up with twenty five thousand kids. If she had had a lot of kids, she might have won the thing.

Biff (29:41)
That's

Lucky (29:43)
That's right. That's right. all right. Here's another interesting st story that I read. The tilta whirl, which is, you know, one of the famous carnival state farm rides, turned 100 years old.

Biff (29:59)
Okay, so tilt to world, just so we level set ourselves, that's the one that goes around in a circle. Is it just the one that goes up and down or is it the one that w what does it mean when it tilts I mean, it tilts or it just kinda moves w okay.

Lucky (30:10)
It tilt a whirl, it's red and white, is usually

the colors. That you're sitting in a little it like a little metal carriage with it has

Biff (30:19)
Okay.

Lucky (30:19)
a top on the top on it, and it goes up and down in a circle, almost and then it's turling around turning around too. So it's going in a circle, but it the it's

Biff (30:31)
Okay.

Lucky (30:31)
turl it's twirling as it's going. Twilight.

Mr Fun (30:33)
Who who

Biff (30:33)
Okay.

Mr Fun (30:35)
voted on this or is that a fair question?

Lucky (30:38)
Fair

question. So Minnesota State Fair in nineteen

Mr Fun (30:41)
Okay.

Lucky (30:41)
twenty six debuted, is where the Tilta World debuted. and if my mom's listening, my mom's favorite ride. so okay, but I made me think. what are the what are some of the best rides, your favorite rides at the Carnival State Fair that you can remember, besides Tilta World? Because it seems to always be there.

Biff (31:02)
I always thought that, you know, there was there was always the slide where you had the burlap sack. I know that's not necessarily a ride,

Lucky (31:07)
Yeah, that's a good one.

Biff (31:08)
but that's a that's something you would have there. There was also then, which was a crazy ride where it would it was on an arm or whatever and your your car spun upside down. It like flipped you up said, Okay, the zipper. That's not not my favorite ride. That one's a little tough.

Mr Fun (31:18)
Yep. Yeah.

Lucky (31:19)
That's called the zipper. The zipper. No, it

that's that one is the most feared classic carnival, right?

Mr Fun (31:27)
Do you have to do it with that inflection in

your voice, Biff? The zipper. Got it. Okay. I I'm a bumper car guy. I love the bumper car. Yeah. This

Biff (31:29)
I know that was my Peter Brady inflection. That that's what it was, so I'm sorry I might Yeah. Right.

Mr Fun (31:39)
is a carnival, not like I can't think great adventure, right? Like we're not talking about

Biff (31:42)
No, this is a carnival.

These are the ones where you've got guys with three teeth putting together

Mr Fun (31:45)
Yeah. Right.

Biff (31:47)
your ride. They're putting in the

Lucky (31:48)
my god.

Biff (31:49)
cotter pins on these rides and then controlling it. Again, the that it might be their work release program from prison. Those are the guys that are running those rides.

Mr Fun (31:57)
Yeah, yeah. I was gonna work at

a carnival, but I I was gonna be a juggler, but I I just didn't have the balls to do it.

Lucky (32:04)
that's good. Biff, I I don't I think we'd probably just crossed Trimper rides r on the Ocean City boardwalk off

Biff (32:10)
huh.

Lucky (32:10)
our list. you just insulted like their all all their employees.

Mr Fun (32:13)
You called them three T. What's

wrong with you?

Biff (32:15)
I I I

I said carnival rides, I didn't say boardwalk rides, although they are probably running a close second in work release activities.

Mr Fun (32:24)
You said they're three

teeth criminals who work there.

Biff (32:27)
I d I well

okay, what would you call it?

Mr Fun (32:30)
find people

Lucky (32:30)
Three teeth.

Mr Fun (32:30)
look at trying to get a a second chance of life who who just maybe didn't have

Biff (32:34)
Yeah.

Lucky (32:34)
Three three T

Mr Fun (32:36)
the white privilege that you had and and the education and they're now just trying to work hard. Work hard for a living. They're wonderful people. I love them. Church going, they go to church on Sundays. They're wonderful.

Biff (32:41)
Wow. Okay. Okay. You easy easy now. Did you ever do

the House of Mirrors or the they always had one of those at a at a carnival, which was which

Lucky (32:51)
Yep. That's a good one.

Mr Fun (32:54)
not me 'cause you'd always get to the fat guy mirror and that would piss me off.

Biff (32:57)
Yeah.

Yeah. And then now what are your thoughts on Ferris wheels?

Lucky (33:01)
Ferris wheels. That's like a g iconic ride on

Mr Fun (33:03)
Boring. Boring.

Lucky (33:05)
at a fair and and the carnival.

Biff (33:07)
The problem is that it takes the loading and unloading just seems to take forever. They spin it around like three times, then you're off. You're like, that's no good.

Mr Fun (33:13)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lucky (33:14)
So that you don't

think it takes somebody that's intelligent that can tell, like is like how many times somebody's gone around, they can calculate.

Mr Fun (33:20)
He didn't say anything

about that. He just said they have poor dental hygiene and they may have broken a few laws. That's what he said.

Biff (33:24)
Yes, I didn't I d I didn't

Lucky (33:25)
Yeah.

Biff (33:27)
say yes, that is correct. Thank you, Mr. Funn. I didn't say they

Mr Fun (33:29)
Yeah.

Biff (33:30)
were not smart. I I just said that they may have taken a wrong turn or two. And one of the turns was not to the dentist, just to be clear on that.

Mr Fun (33:39)
ho ho.

Biff (33:40)
See?

Lucky (33:40)
And

they're former criminals, not current criminals. Come on.

Biff (33:43)
Okay, okay.

Mr Fun (33:44)
I I

I I would like a free pass to the next carnival that we all go to. And you can ban Biff at the gate and lucky.

Biff (33:48)
Yeah,

not not a lot of white pants at the carnival. Just so we're clear. Just so we're clear. Yeah.

Mr Fun (33:56)
no. Speaking of Labor Day, you

know why, Lucky, do you know why you and I don't wear white pants after Labor Day? Cause we're straight. That's why we don't wear white pants

Biff (34:06)
Yeah.

Mr Fun (34:08)
after Labor Day.

Lucky (34:09)
Beff,

okay, c let me just ask you a quick question. And I this is not something I'm looking forward to. So but when you when you're put into the ground and you're date you've taken your last breath here on earth, are you are you gonna because of all the discussion about white pants, are you gonna are you gonna don white pants?

Biff (34:26)
I wow, jeez.

Mr Fun (34:27)
What a morbid question, but I like it. I like it.

Biff (34:30)
I I can't I I let me give it no was probably the answer, but I maybe it just 'cause that's my reactionary answer, maybe I should give it some more thought. As the

Mr Fun (34:39)
I'm gonna be buried with

the shirt that has the mushroom on it so that everybody knows I was a fun guy. Yeah.

Biff (34:42)
That's right. You're a fun guy. That's that's right.

Lucky (34:42)
Yeah, one hundred percent.

Biff (34:46)
So all right. Now do you okay, just since we're going down this path, do do you have have you ever thought about getting your ashes spread? And if so, where would you do it?

Mr Fun (34:54)
Did you say

asses or ashes?

Biff (34:57)
I said, you know what I said. I

Lucky (34:59)
That's every weekend for Mr. Fun.

Biff (35:00)
know, that's right. That's right. Ashes.

Lucky (35:02)
Okay.

Biff (35:03)
If you were gonna get your ashes spread, where would you get

Mr Fun (35:03)
But yeah. Yeah.

Biff (35:05)
your ashes spread?

Lucky (35:06)
Man.

Mr Fun (35:07)
Well, you'd

Biff (35:07)
Yeah.

Mr Fun (35:07)
like to say something like Yankee Stadium or something like that.

Biff (35:10)
Okay, that's good.

Lucky (35:11)
Well, like

I would naturally s I'm a huge Maryland Terrapin fan and I have

Mr Fun (35:14)
Yeah.

Lucky (35:15)
a bunch of but

Biff (35:15)
Yeah.

Lucky (35:16)
like I'm gonna dump my ashes up on like the the mall or like at the outside the the bas basketball pla stadium. Like, I don't know.

Biff (35:23)
Yeah, you gotta you gotta give

you gotta give it some thought.

Mr Fun (35:25)
Let me know. If you want

me to do it, I'll do it. I'll I'll dump it right over the Test Dudo in front of in front of Colfield House. Whatever you need me to

Biff (35:30)
Yeah, that's right.

Lucky (35:32)
You don't

Mr Fun (35:33)
do.

Lucky (35:33)
you don't think I don't know, I might want to keep my ashes intact and not spread them anywhere. You know what I mean? So like I'm more like a vate of Oz or a urn kind of guy.

Biff (35:42)
You you want

Mr Fun (35:42)
Got it.

Biff (35:43)
you want other people to deal with your you know, just hey, just just move him around, move Lucky around. Yeah, the the ashes.

Mr Fun (35:47)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lucky (35:48)
Yeah.

Biff (35:49)
That that's it. You're gonna clog up somebody else's house

with a with a with a tchotkey.

Mr Fun (35:54)
Yeah. What? God bless

Lucky (35:55)
My uncle Sam for a decent amount of time

Mr Fun (35:59)
America.

Lucky (36:00)
y used to ride with his ex-wife's ashes in the trunk of his car.

Mr Fun (36:05)
Wow.

Biff (36:06)
Why?

Lucky (36:06)
He they did they were just there for the a very long period of time. You know, he you know, she she never remarried, but apparently she, you know, she was cremated, she was in a in an urn, the urn was in a box, the box stayed in my Uncle Sam's car for like a long time. And

Biff (36:23)
Okay. Wow.

Lucky (36:25)
we used to make fun of, you know.

Mr Fun (36:26)
I had my dad's

ashes, I told you this, right? In the trunk of my car for months. Then I brought him into the closet in my house and I spread his ashes like two years after the poor man died. It's crazy.

Biff (36:36)
What did you do in the ocean?

Mr Fun (36:37)
Now I you don't know this. I I I went to a place down in Annapolis and I I snuck through a a gate and the security was like, Are you doing what I think you're doing? And I said, That depends if you think what I'm doing is what I'm doing. And he

Biff (36:51)
Yeah.

Mr Fun (36:52)
said, just do it quickly.

And I poured out the ashes and my moc blanc pen, I've never owned a moc blanc pen before, a hundred and twenty five dollar pen fell into the water. My brother was there and I go and he goes, I guess he can write. He can write us a That's how we buried my dad. Yeah.

Biff (37:09)
That's very funny. That's

Lucky (37:05)
my gosh.

Biff (37:11)
very funny.

Lucky (37:11)
Okay.

So a couple weeks ago, I think it was, Biff claimed that he set the world record for

Biff (37:20)
I I

Lucky (37:20)
writing the most words on a post-it note.

Biff (37:23)
And so we're clear. It was last week, and also I'm gonna show it again because I keep it at my desk. I'm very proud of this. I it was

Mr Fun (37:27)
I want a certificate from Guinness.

Biff (37:30)
I I actually on the YouTube video, I took a picture of this. It shows up for about 10 seconds on the YouTube video so somebody can see every word that I I did. I it

Mr Fun (37:38)
I would like a certificate from Guinness. What have we done with this?

Lucky (37:38)
Okay.

Biff (37:41)
it's good to know that I did it. They don't I don't need to break that poor young girl's heart about that.

Lucky (37:46)
Okay, Biff, here's your next challenge.

Biff (37:48)
Okay.

Lucky (37:49)
Okay, cause the a new record got set this past week. two hundred and fifty-four rolls of toilet paper were balanced on David Rush's head to set the Guinness Book of the Worlds record.

Mr Fun (38:03)
See, now that's a record. No one's gonna beat that.

Biff (38:05)
What it's impressive too. Why would anybody ever think to do that? But so but you so you're talking about the whole roll of toilet paper.

Lucky (38:12)
Yes.

Biff (38:13)
Okay, so let's just start there. You know what a roll of toilet paper looks like, oversized, the Charman or whatever brand. In the first instance, do you think you could stack in your house toilet paper to your ceiling without it falling over? That's the first thing. And then he did 250 rolls on his head?

Lucky (38:30)
They

weren't bat they weren't on the top of each other. I saw the picture. They he had some like boards in in between and stuff like that.

Mr Fun (38:38)
okay.

Biff (38:39)
so he like he like balanced them on different levels. okay. I thought you were talking about a single row. Okay.

Lucky (38:43)
Yes. Yeah. He he had

like these th these s permi they they they were permitted cardboard dividers and he had multiple people helping him like organize them and that kind of thing and he got on there and

Mr Fun (38:57)
Let me ask you guys

question for our audience at home. it's a helpful hint. You have your bathroom and we do spend I think most men spend a fair amount of time in the bathroom. Do you how many bac if any, how many backup roles do you have within arm's reach?

Lucky (39:12)
Three.

Biff (39:13)
yeah, you got you'd you'd like to say that you you're you'd have three or four either under the cabinet or in a s thing next to your that that you stack next to the toilet.

Mr Fun (39:22)
I gotta speak to my

I gotta speak to Mrs. Funn. They're in the hallway. They're in the hallway.

Biff (39:27)
Well because because

Lucky (39:27)
that's dangerous.

Biff (39:28)
you you're on paper is a persona non grata in your house.

Mr Fun (39:33)
I'm a man's man, you could say it. I'm a man's man. What were we saying?

Biff (39:36)
No, yeah, my I'm saying that your th paper products aren't exactly big in your household. Right. And so you have

Mr Fun (39:40)
Plentiful. Plentiful. But why is it why is it in

the hallway where I have to get up, waddle down the hallway?

Biff (39:48)
Because don't you have a bidet? Isn't that supposed to do most of the dirty work for you?

Mr Fun (39:51)
You gotta you

gotta you got there's work to do after bideting. It's not a one

Biff (39:54)
No.

Mr Fun (39:56)
one step transaction.

Lucky (39:58)
Mr. Fun, you know how you solve this problem?

Mr Fun (40:00)
How?

Lucky (40:00)
You give Mrs. Fun a toilet paper holder for like Christmas or her birthday, and

Mr Fun (40:08)
Yeah.

Lucky (40:08)
then you can keep that in your bathroom and put your rolls of toilet paper on it.

Mr Fun (40:11)
Wow. I

Biff (40:12)
well that's

Mr Fun (40:12)
yeah. I I once had to use newspaper because I didn't have toilet paper and yeah, time times are rough. Times are rough.

Lucky (40:21)
That's a wrong.

Biff (40:21)
Yeah.

Lucky (40:22)
Okay. The

another thing, Biff, okay, we've given you a hard time before because you know, I think you've tried to set the world record, Guinness Book of World's record for the amount most belts by a a male. okay. I thought you were trying to set that world record at some point. Okay.

Biff (40:34)
I didn't no, I did not. Okay, yes. That's fine. I I have plenty of belts. I am I

Mr Fun (40:40)
No, that

was most belts by a guy who lives at the beach in Delaware. That's what that was yeah.

Lucky (40:44)
Okay. All right.

okay. Okay, let me ask you this question. How many pairs of socks do you have?

Biff (40:50)
geez, I've easily got

I'm gonna guess seventy five pairs, maybe even more than that.

Lucky (40:56)
Mr Funn, how many pairs of socks do you have?

Mr Fun (40:58)
I got a lot of socks. I don't know why. I probably got thirty pairs.

Lucky (41:01)
Okay, so a South Carolina man attempted to break the Guinness Book of the World record. He has the largest collection of socks. He has over two thousand pairs of socks.

Mr Fun (41:10)
Wow. That's a record? Like

Biff (41:11)
I'm gonna so yeah,

that's it. I'm gonna count my socks when we're done with this. Because the the thing with socks, right? No, no, no. With the thing

Mr Fun (41:17)
A lot of time on his hands. A lot of time.

Biff (41:19)
with socks, just to be clear, is like you get a six pack of socks, right? A lot of them comes in like six packs. And then socks aren't a thing that you can really give away to goodwill or whatever. So you just end up with socks, right?

Mr Fun (41:31)
Yeah.

Biff (41:32)
You have dress socks, you have athletic socks, you have, you know, winter socks, you have socks. And you may even have theme socks. I know you like

Stocks with cartoons on them, Mr. Fun.

Mr Fun (41:41)
Yeah.

Biff (41:42)
So you have all these kind of one off stocks. And I said seventy five. I could be wrong by a some factor, not two thousand, but it's one of those things that you don't get rid

of your socks very often.

Mr Fun (41:50)
Can you imagine if you have

most words on a post-it and the sock record?

Biff (41:55)
It would be it w

Lucky (41:55)
And the belt record.

Mr Fun (41:56)
And the bell record.

Biff (41:57)
you know, they'd be they'd be s spreading my ashes at Guinness headquarters. That

Mr Fun (42:01)
Yes, you need your own page of the Guinness Book of World Records. You need your own page.

Lucky (42:06)
Well,

Mr Fun (42:06)
Man with most

Lucky (42:07)
here's the thing.

Mr Fun (42:08)
records. That could be you.

Biff (42:09)
Ha ha.

Mr Fun (42:10)
You know, I put

some I I I knew a girl who slept in her socks. She was this tiny little thing. She was just a tiny little girl who slept in socks.

Biff (42:18)
Okay. I was

like, all right.

Lucky (42:20)
okay. Well well Daryl Parker

from South Carolina, he's a retired firefighter and paramedic. started his socks cla he gets socks for his father's day for all birthdays, anniversaries, that kind of thing. That's how he's collected so many socks. And he

Biff (42:35)
Gotcha. All right.

Mr Fun (42:35)
Yeah. You know,

lucky when I live with Biff and the fraternity, he we he created a signal like he would put us one of his socks on the doorknob, so I knew he was having sex with the other sock inside the inside the room.

Biff (42:50)
What

that is so wrong?

Lucky (42:52)
And then what did he switch the socks when like

Mr Fun (42:53)
I don't know.

I didn't you know, I knew, I gave him his privacy. I gave him his pri I wanted to give him his

Biff (42:57)
Yeah, so it's

Mr Fun (42:57)
face.

Lucky (42:58)
Okay.

Another world record this week, which I thought was interesting. I don't know. did you guys see me on Facebook with all my lady friends drinking Mallard Ducks

Mr Fun (43:05)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Lucky (43:06)
at MR Ducks? The shots.

Mr Fun (43:08)
Yeah. Yeah.

Biff (43:11)
I I did not, but I saw a picture of you for sure.

Mr Fun (43:12)
You look like you were

one of the girls. It was great. Yeah.

Lucky (43:14)
Yeah. Well, I

was taking all some some rookies out to MR Ducks, showing them the things we and we drank the natural light and amaretto out of the duck's butt. But in Chicago, they set another ri record. they gathered and 1969 people simultaneously took a shot of an iconic local liqueur. It's called Jepson's Malore.

M-A-L-O-R-T. Okay. Which,

Biff (43:44)
Okay.

Lucky (43:44)
you know, and you know, the governor participated in this, you know, big deal. It was downtown at a bar called recess. But here's the thing. It's the this this liquor is so bad. This is people referred to it as tasting like a mixture of vomit and sweat.

Biff (44:04)
Ugh

Mr Fun (44:04)
Delicious.

Biff (44:05)
Ugh

Lucky (44:05)
Yes.

Biff (44:06)
Ugh

Lucky (44:07)
So you would think couldn't they find like couldn't they have used like sc we got some Scotty's vodka out there? They could nineteen hundred and sixty nine people could have drank a Scotty's vodka shot.

Biff (44:15)
Yeah, no, I agree. I agree. So that that's

Mr Fun (44:17)
Wow.

Biff (44:18)
that seems strikes me it's if you were to ask

Mr Fun (44:20)
That's disgusting.

Biff (44:21)
me what the sock record is versus the shots record, that you would have thought that you could get more than two thousand people to do a shot. And and yet

Mr Fun (44:29)
I agree.

Lucky (44:29)
Maybe people haven't organized them.

Biff (44:31)
yeah, I guess it well, 'cause there's time that it takes to pour the shots, I suppose. But it's it's that's interesting record that that it did it. So this is not a record per se, and I know we got one other thing to cover.

But Kim C, again I mentioned earlier, we tried it, the bobby pin challenge, which is to put a bobby pin, you know, the thing that goes your hair, and it sticks to your forehead magnetically.

Mr Fun (44:51)
Wait, wait, give us a little more background than that. She sent us this this article.

Biff (44:54)
Thing it was

a it was a it was a article that said that if you put a bobby pin in the middle of your forehead between your eyes, it will stick there because there's some form of magnetic feel. And I did it. We were out the night that she did it for me, and it worked. I'm not say worked for everybody, but it definitely worked. I saw Lucky sent a photo where he had magnetic forehead, but everybody's gotta

Lucky (45:14)
Yeah. Yeah.

Biff (45:16)
try that and you and they the bobby pin goes vertically and you stick it on your forehead between your eyes.

And it will stay there. So everybody's gotta try that.

Mr Fun (45:22)
Is it magnet it's

not magnet it's not magnetized, right?

Biff (45:26)
I d I don't I don't know what it

Lucky (45:27)
Yeah.

Biff (45:27)
is. I don't know what it's probably

Mr Fun (45:28)
I mean, this is all

very polarizing to me.

Biff (45:30)
They're very good. Very good. So all

Mr Fun (45:31)
Yeah, very polarizing.

Biff (45:32)
right. Anyways,

ever everybody

Lucky (45:33)
All right. So

Biff (45:34)
try that.

Lucky (45:34)
contact at lastmartly.com. Let's see if you can get Bobby Pin stuck to your forehead. Okay.

Biff (45:39)
Yes. Good.

Lucky (45:40)
And in honor of Labor Day. Okay, I wanted to bring we bring back our would you rather? Okay. And these are these are curr actual careers. Okay. of which, by the way, did you you know what the most you know popular job is?

Retail

retail sales.

Biff (46:00)
Most popular meaning more people do it. Yeah, okay. All right.

Lucky (46:01)
You most people have it, yeah. Yeah. Okay. All

right. But we're I'm gonna give you a list of four jobs and and if which of one of these jobs would you prefer to do for the your whole career? This is the only job you did. Okay. And why

Biff (46:18)
Okay.

Lucky (46:18)
would you pick this job? All right, ready? I'm gonna I'll get I'm gonna tell you the four jobs and then you each can go and I'll I'll go too. Okay. Professional line sitter.

Golf ball diver.

Pet food taster or professional mourner.

Which which of those jobs would you do your whole life and and why?

Mr Fun (46:38)
I I I think I can have a great time diving for golf balls. I think I could do that.

Lucky (46:42)
But you gotta

go in the sni with snakes and all that other stuff. That's sort of sketch.

Mr Fun (46:46)
I'm I'm

just a risk taker like that. I'm crazy. Crazy.

Biff (46:48)
I I

assuming I could do other things at the same time, I'd be a line sitter.

Lucky (46:53)
Yeah.

Biff (46:53)
Right? Like listening yeah, I could walk I could I could read a book, I could listen to music, I could do whatever. Yeah.

Lucky (46:58)
You'd be bored as hell, though. That's you'd be that

job for th thirty five years.

Biff (47:02)
Okay, but it it given I would not want to eat dog food, right?

Lucky (47:06)
Ha ha ha.

Biff (47:07)
And I don't remember even what your last one was. I'm like Yeah, not gonna be go to funerals? my goodness, no. I'd rather sit online.

Lucky (47:08)
Professional mourner. You gotta go to like funerals for the rest of your life.

Mr Fun (47:14)
Line sitter, right?

Not line not line sniffer, line sitter.

Biff (47:17)
Line sitter. That's true. Then that's that's very good. All right. All right. What about you,

Lucky (47:18)
Line yeah, we're not in Penn State. professional line sitter, golf ball diver. The

Mr Fun (47:20)
Got it. All right.

Biff (47:23)
Locke?

Lucky (47:24)
I I would do the professional line sitter in a second, you know, because again you can talk to people, you get in the you know in the mix.

Mr Fun (47:29)
How do you know?

How do you know that's that what you're allowed to do? I've never met

Lucky (47:32)
Well

Mr Fun (47:32)
a line sitter before.

Lucky (47:34)
Yeah. I I wouldn't want to do the golf ball diver. Like I wouldn't want to get it Yeah.

Biff (47:35)
that neither would I. And I like golf. I wouldn't do it. So

Mr Fun (47:36)
Really?

I like

Biff (47:39)
good.

Mr Fun (47:40)
diving.

I like diving.

Biff (47:42)
Well

and we're gonna dive into a last joke here, Mr.

Funn. We were w we are there. So why don't you why don't

Mr Fun (47:45)
It's that time? Can I do two?

Biff (47:48)
you you what you well dazzle us with with two jokes.

Mr Fun (47:50)
So you know the difference between my member and my jokes? women don't laugh at my jokes.

Biff (47:59)
Good. Okay. All right. Where?

Lucky (47:59)
Okay. Women, women

Mr Fun (48:00)
Is that good? So

Lucky (48:02)
or Mrs. Funn?

Mr Fun (48:04)
all women. All women. Do you know why men have two heads but can't think straight? It's the same reason women have four lips but can't be quiet.

Biff (48:14)
Stop. No. I can't stop. I'm like I I

Mr Fun (48:20)
You're supposed to be risque at the end, right? You could

Lucky (48:22)
That's like that's like

throwing it that's like with the eighteen toes thing. We you should've told that joke up there.

Mr Fun (48:25)
Yeah. You've

Biff (48:25)
Yeah,

Mr Fun (48:26)
been with you've

Biff (48:27)
yeah.

Mr Fun (48:27)
been with us fift fifty minutes, you deserve something a risque at the end.

Biff (48:30)
Yeah. All right, good.

All right. Lucky gives God jeez always. contact at last yes. Tac that contact

Lucky (48:35)
If you have complaints about any of our jokes, contact at laughsmartly dot com.

Biff (48:40)
at lastmarley.com. That's good. Again,

Mr Fun (48:41)
Right.

Biff (48:42)
you can listen to us on all the podcast platforms platforms, platforms, watch us on YouTube, regardless of where you get us. Please like, subscribe, and share. we've gone back out with some shorts. It's been a couple weeks on those. We had some great ones from last week's show.

So please see those on Instagram, X, where else are we? Facebook, things of that nature. So so take a look for and TikTok. So take a look for all those. guys, great to see you. We got to run here. We're out of time. again, happy Labor Day, everybody. until we do it again next week, let me just say thank you and goodbye.

Mr Fun (49:17)
Goodbye.